Action Figures!
mood: Kung-fu Grippy
I used to have tons of “action figures” growing up in the 70’s. There was Batman, Robin, Superman, Iron Man… the whole gang. I had all the Superfriends, and then some. They were great. For whatever reason, I was thinking about them earlier today, and all they represented. They stand in my memory 8 or 9 inch tall bastions of all that was good, strong and right in the world… all wrapped up in brightly colored polyester bodysuits.
So on a whim I went searching the internet for current action figures.
Things have changed a bit since I was a kid.
For one, they’ve gotten… well, “tiny.” I mean, sure, my memory of the Super Heroes of my youth are tainted by how close I was to the ground then, anyway… but 4 to 6 inches tall? What’s with THAT? How many Super Villians are you going to beat into civil-law abiding stupors when you’re not even as tall as your kids sippy-cup?
The scope of actions figures has changed a bit too… gone, apparently are the bright primary colored jumpsuits, and impossibly large pecs… BUT, I was happy to note, jumpsuits aren’t entirely out, and neither are impossibly large body parts.
Case in point: “Aircraft Carrier Bush” He stands there so majestically, with his strap-enhanced package, as if to say “Go ahead punk, make fun of my speakifying, you bigatated liberal pansy… I feel a premptivicating invasion coming on!”
Simply glorious, the way the leader of the Free World(tm - price doesn’t include tax or handling charges) ought to be.
I was mere mouse-clicks away from ordering one… until I saw HIM. Then I found myself in a quandry. See, as a grown man, I can likely get away with owning a single action figure. I AM in the web design business after all… it would be accepted as “quirky.” But TWO? No… I don’t think that would fly, not in my office.
So I’m torn… between the Commander in Chiefication… and Senior Misterioso! Who is he? Where is he from? We don’t know! He’s Senior Misterioso… so splendid in his sharp white suit! What are his super powers? Does he even HAVE super powers? Is he an international spy? Is he part of the Buena Vista Social Club? WE DON’T KNOW! He’s Senior Misterioso!
While the Presidentifical action figure seems to say “Order me, or I’ll carpet bomb your cubicle,” Something about the Senior’s rakish tilt of the fedora and the completely uninterested facial expression seems to be implying “Sure, maybe I don’t have an entire army at my disposal… but I DO happen to have over a hundred jack-boot thugs willing to break your legs in the middle of the night… but hey, no pressure. Do what you like.”
So far, no decision has been made.